1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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