Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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