Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
