I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
