I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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