i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
