The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
