I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize