Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
