it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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