Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
