just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
