I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
