Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
