remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
