you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
