When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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