So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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