fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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