Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
