I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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