i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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