Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
