Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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