wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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