I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
