you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
