Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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