does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
