yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
