If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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