First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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