I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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