i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I need moral support for this bender
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
