my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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