I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
