Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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