I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
