Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
