Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
