my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
