He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
