I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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