just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
