Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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