No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
