I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize