Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize