Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
