Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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