I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
