the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
