Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
