i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
