the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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