I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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