We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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