I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am spending my child support on dildos
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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