I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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