btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize