was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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