I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
