Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
