Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So vagazzling was a success
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
