before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
