everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
