Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
