do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize