I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
