Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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