I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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